You can't special order awesome
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's just like the Real World with babies
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
