Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
