Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
