I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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