I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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