I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
