May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
