I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
this just has baby written all over it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
