Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
