i think my mom watched the whole time
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
