Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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