Ambien. No doubt about it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
