Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
