i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
