Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
