Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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