Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
