he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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