Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
