Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
