I only kidnapped one of them. chill
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
