just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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