I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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