Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
