Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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