Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
