You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize