conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
