Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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