38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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