I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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