I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize