I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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