well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
