Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
