Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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