Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize