this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
