i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
