After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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