I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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