I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
