no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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