You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
