Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
