ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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