My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
