God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
