how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
