youre lurking in front of me
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
