you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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