this beer tastes like vomit already
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
