Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
