Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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