I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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