I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
