So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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