I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it's not cheating when I paid for it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
