I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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