You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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