i think i have two assholes
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
