A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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