I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
