Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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