his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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