Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
