I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize