I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
