Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
