Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
