I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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