i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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