...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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