yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she pinky promised me she was 18
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
