i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She's the barista slut.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
