Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i dont even know how to be here
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize